Letting go. For good.

Well, today I have taken the first step of many for what I see as necessary change for the better. I'm pretty sure step one was by FAAAAARRRR the hardest, so it's only gonna get easier from here... right? *

So, some notes...

I never want to go through this again. Lets just say cutting a huge piece of your past out of your life for good, isn't the funnest thing... It is quite possibly the least fun thing.

BUT, having said that, it was necessary... I learned through a very rough 6 months that the past is the past, you can't bring it back, people change... And so do I.

Yes, there will be songs that I will hate hearing, movies I will never want to watch, places I will refuse to visit...

But worst, there will be memories I have only myself to share with. 

And it will hurt...

___

All I can do is take one step in the right direction each and every day, and I know I will be blessed, and I will be able to avoid this kind of pain again.

And how do I do that?

I focus on myself. I'm tired of worrying about other peoples problems when the #1 Problem is... Well, ME.

At least it is for... me? >_< I think you get the point.

I'm very thankful for caring friends, new and old, who are always there for me when I need them.
And of course, I'm thankful for my family, who no matter how much I wrong them, ALWAYS love me with every bit of their heart.

No worries. Apple Cider

So here's to me. Focusing on me.

Farewell for now Friends

*Optimistic: Something I have trouble being...

Then other days make me

:(

I am on some kind of emotional roller coaster right now. And most all of it is things just bouncing around in my head.

How are other peoples actions STILL dictating how I feel?  I thought I dropped that awhile ago...

And then there is this- Why am I jumping to conclusions and buying into something that will most likely never happen??
 I guess I just want something good so bad, I am finding ways to believe something I really really want to happen is bound to happen since things haven't been so hot for me lately... But that isn't how things always work. And now I am digging myself in a bigger hole by thinking so hard about things I should just let be instead of analyzing every little thing until I convince myself things are worse then they really are!

Its funny how quickly emotions can bounce up and down. I was flying so high the other day, and now I just...  

idk.

I just need to cool it. Play it cool Kevin.
Just.
Play.
It.
Coooool.


Farewell for now Friends.

Some days just make me

:)

Things me and my friends say

So, it has been brought to my attention that me and a couple of my friends all say a certain phrase before/during doing something terribly wrong. Now, this isn't always the case, but we have found a moment in time where we said these certain phrases and we all went on to FAIL. Now that we have realized this though, we over dramatize every time we say our phrase, and it's hilarious.

My Phrase: "Alright then. I'll show you how it's done..!"

Ammon's Phrase: "Oh ya?! WATCH ME!"

Sergio's Phrase: "This is AWESOME!!!"

Also, after seeing a commercial for these one night during our nights of randomisity, me and my friends have decided to get one for each other for Christmas.

♫ ♪ It's a Pillow... It's a pet... It's a PILLOW PET!  ♬ ♪ 

 Yes, we are some cool kids. Especially when we went to the mall and at the kiosk selling them, we sang the jingle from the commercial. And in beautiful unison! Afterwards, As we were laughing hysterically, I'm pretty sure a 4 year old in the nearby play place gave us the stink eye and said to his friend nearby "what losers...". Yep. Cool kids indeed.

Farewell for now Friends. 

A Poem

The Sun

I wish we still had the love we once did. But it was lost, for our love was forbid.

We reached for the Moon, as well as the stars. We pulled them in close, and made them ours.

But I wanted more, so I took desperate measures. I wanted the world's most precious of treasures.

I reached for the Sun, but it was too much... It turned on our love, and turned it to lust.

Now I stare at the sky, screaming curses too bold. It replies to tell me your hands are warm... Mine are so cold...

I should have been satisfied with the Moon and the stars. Now the only memories left are of the ones that left scars.

-Kevin Tom Wadsworth

Farewell for now Friends

(artwork was taken from a photographer/artist who posts his photos and art on devientart and flicker. I'm not sure exactly how the copyright stuff works, but all credit is given to him. http://dugonline.deviantart.com/  <--- Check out more of his stuff there. )

Liar Liar pants on fire

Its kinda odd how hilarious the concept of the lie is when we are younger. Its so fun in fact, one of the most recited phrases in our youth is "liar liar pants on fire". 

But, as you get older, you learn to hate lying. It hurts people. It crumbles people. It changes your view of people. 

At least for me, it has had me on the borders of hate. And I do not take that word lightly.

But despite all these valid reasons not to lie, for some reason, there are still those out there, even those close to us, who insist on lying. Because of the integrity of my family, I grew up not realizing that trust was ever a problem in life. But, it is...

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY.

Ok... that's a lie...* Maybe I do...

I will admit I have lied before in an attempt to protect myself from the consequences. And at times I think, maybe it was better to never fess up. But can you imagine if you keep that secret to your grave, how unbearably humiliating it will be when you have to face that person you hurt when you meet in the afterlife? That is not something I want to deal with...

The only reason I can understand why otherwise good people lie so much, is that it is done to cover your own butt. And because it is at the expense of other people that you do this, it makes lying a selfish act. INCREDIBLY selfish. No one benefits from a lie except the person telling it. And often, that is short lived until the cat gets out of the bag. 

So please, if you have been untruthful with a loved one or someone you sincerely care about... Help them out by being upfront with them and do your best to clear things up.

Otherwise, you really don't care about them. You only care about yourself.

Farewell for now Friends.

*see definition: irony